life needs upgrades...

I'm exhausted-- both physically and emotionally. And spiritually, my life needs work.

Okay, let me first tackle physical exhaustion. I've had a completely jam-packed schedule this week:

Youth Overnight (Oct. 31- Nov. 1)
Anniversary Practice (Nov. 2)
Sunday School Retreat (Nov. 3-4)

Although I can definitely say that being present for all three activities was well worth it, I cannot deny the fact that I finally reached the limits of my physical strength. So as of last night, when I got home from the retreat, I came down with a really high fever and fell asleep hours before my usual sleeping time. I feel better now, but I'm not yet in a condition to go anywhere. Besides, my mom has made it clear that I'm not to go anywhere until I'm completely well. Oh well, who am I to argue with Dr. Mom, right? I hope that this doesn't disrupt my scheduled practices for the anniversary. I've already missed two vocal practices and I'm scheduled to start practice for the hand mime soon. Talk about busy. And now, my singing voice is strained as well. My voice was already cracking yesterday, and I told Kuya Bobot that I'm going to have to limit my singing until my vocal cords have been given time to rest. The last thing I need right now is to lose my voice completely.

Upgrades needed:
stronger immune system, application of steps for vocal care, more sleep

Why am I emotionally exhausted? Because right now, something about my feelings that I'm struggling with is eating me alive and I already feel exhausted battling it out. Actually, truth be told, I feel like I'm on the losing end especially since it's been something I've struggled with for several months now. It doesn't help that circumstances kept popping up that have made it even more difficult to fight it. It was only very recently that I finally got to confess to one of my best friends what my dilemma is. I suppose, given the amount of time I've already spent with her over the years, she could easily read me and it didn't take her long to get me to talk to her. I'm grateful that she did. At least now, someone I trust knows what's going on. I'm left with some decisions to make in my life and a lot of prayers to pray before I can get my life back to the way it once was...or better than it once was.

Upgrades needed:
counseling, immersion in God's word, a male accountability partner, prayer, relationship restoration

Spiritually, I know I can do better. One look at Micah's blog regarding walking by faith has told me that I should be seeking the same thing. I know that I should always be pursuing more out of my Christian life each day, but this is always not the case. I usually find myself spiritually dry or too lazy to pick up my Bible, meditate on it, and pray. Other times, I am able to read my Bible but I feel like nothing is entering my mind. Other times, having my quiet time becomes more of work than privilege. What makes it more frustrating is that I'm the one who tells people to find satisfaction in God, and yet I can't even seem to find that same satisfaction that I'm talking about. Worship leading is definitely not as easy as one might think. It's difficult.

Upgrades needed:
deepened prayer life, deeper relationship with God, worship team devotions

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This is the current song in my life and also the prayer of my heart. I need someone to rescue me. And not just any someone. The only Someone Who can help me is Jesus.

Rescue
Don Moen

You are the source of life
I can't be left behind
No one else will do
I will take hold of You

'Cause I need You Jesus
to come to my rescue
(Oh/Tell me) Where else can I go?
There's no other name
by which I am saved
Capture me with grace
I will follow You
I will follow You

My heart is Yours for life
I need Your hand in mine
No one else will do
I put my trust in You

(I will follow You) This world has nothing for me...
(I will trust in You) This world has nothing for me...