under the magnifying glass

watch me as i journey to another time and place...

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I'm saved by grace. I have nothing to boast except for the fact that I have the greatest Being on my side.

Saturday, August 05, 2006

cold turkey...

Cold turkey (n.)-
Immediate, complete withdrawal from something on which one has become dependent, such as an addictive drug (taken from dictionary.com)

Setting: Empty room with a glass mirror. Dimly lit. White walls.
Characters: Robbie (20 years old)
Interrogator (Male voice)

It is around 6:00 in the evening. Rob is seated behind a small metal table. He faces a glass mirror. He can't see who is behind it. He can only see a reflection of himself. He is smiling. Happy. But he can't help but feel nervous about something.

Interrogator: Robbie?

Robbie looks around, looking for the source of the voice. He sees an intercom in the upper right corner of the room.

Interrogator: You can just talk, Robbie. I'll be able to hear you.

Robbie: Yeah, it's me.

Interrogator: Know why you're here?

Robbie: Does it have something to do with my addiction?

Interrogator: Perhaps...perhaps.

Robbie: What do you need to know? I've been clean for three months.

Interrogator: Yes, but you've been thinking about doing it again, haven't you?

Robbie: So what if I have? It's not like I've done it.

Interrogator: Entertaining the thought would just make it worse. You know that.

Robbie: I don't entertain it! It just...well, it just comes out sometimes. But I try to fight it back! I really do!

Interrogator: Do you? Do you really?

Robbie: Yes, I do. So you can just piss off.

Interrogator: Okay. But trust me. You'll be back here. And you won't be as confident as before.

A month passes. Robbie finds himself in the same room, staring at the same glass mirror. He is still smiling, but concern seems to have crossed his face.

Interrogator: Struggling?

Robbie: You wish.

Interrogator: I can see right through you, kid.

Robbie: Well, the temptation came right to me. It was there. But I pushed it away...

Interrogator: Didn't want to get a taste of something you've been missing for so long?

Robbie: No! I've got a lot of people who've started to trust me again. They're one of the reasons why I can't lose to this. I can't let them down.

Interrogator: I see.

Robbie: You should see.

Interrogator: Maybe I should warn you right now that you're fighting a losing battle...

Robbie: No! I'm not! I'm winning it right now.

Interrogator: You'll fall. Believe me. When you come back here, you'll see what I mean.

Robbie: You're nuts.

Interrogator: No. I just know.

Another month passes. Robbie's not smiling anymore. In fact, he looks tired. He has a smile, but it does not convince anyone.

Interrogator: I think you're here to tell me that I was right.

Robbie's smile vanishes. He lowers his head. He feels guility.

Interrogator: I was surprised by how long your resistance was. Your past experiences would last...what? A couple of weeks at most. But this...pretty long. You should be proud.

Robbie: Shut up! There's nothing to be proud of. I gave in.

Interrogator: Yes, sadly. Well, the joke's on you boy. I'm not the one suffering. You are. Just wait till the Judge hears about this. Oh, you are in so much trouble.

Robbie: I know the Judge and He's always helped me out. He's not a tyrant like you always make Him out to be.

Interrogator: Nevertheless, you've broken His trust on you...again! And again! And again! Yes, I know that you don't mean to. But hey! It's human nature. You're here to disappoint others. There's no pleasing anyone. Not even yourself.

Robbie: You are sick!

Interrogator: So are you, kid! Ha! Well, you can rot in here while I tell the Judge...again! Gosh. You are such a loser! Ha! You'll probably be given a second chance again, but how long are you going to pull that off this time?

Robbie: (sighs) I don't know.
~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~

When your past seems to catch up with you all over again, you can't help but feel if it's even possible to just throw it away for good.


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