under the magnifying glass

watch me as i journey to another time and place...

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I'm saved by grace. I have nothing to boast except for the fact that I have the greatest Being on my side.

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

life is bittersweet...

It's finals week. In just a few more days, I'll be officially saying good-bye to my undergraduate life. Sometimes, I feel that I don't deserve to graduate yet, probably because my degree program (Bachelor of Secondary Education, Major in English) is only three years long. Well, it's not my fault that La Salle's got a trimestral system. Haha! In other unversities, I would have had to stay a full four years. I already got my course card for ARTAPRE (2.0! How humiliating!), and so I'll only have to get four more cards on August 31.


I went to U.P. Diliman yesterday and spent the afternoon and early evening with Arneil, Lakan, and Nikki. I enjoyed the time I spent with them. It was especially great to see Nikki again after more than two years. It's just so funny to think that, of all the places we could have met, we decided to do it all the way in Quezon City. However, walking around U.P. campus at 6:00 in the evening was a rather refreshing experience, and it was quite enjoyable to just walk around, cross small streams of water, and talk about anything under the sun. I remember telling Lakan how big a difference it was from walking along Taft Avenue.

Arneil and I rode back with Nikki, and she dropped us off at Ayala. While we were still in the car, we got into a really neat and interesting conversation about what it means to really wait on God's timing for everything. We talked about relationships, about maturity, about prayer, and about religion. I found it so surprising that we were already talking about these things. Back in high school, the three of us had a wacky world of our own where our problems revolved mostly around annoying classmates, nagging teachers, and insane PACE work. In just three years, as I thought about our conversation, I can definitely say we grew up. Yes, we still talk about the crazy times and about the crazy worlds we invented. But now, there's definitely a sense of maturity in all three of us. Amazing how quickly that happens.
I am looking forward to spending my time with them again. I doubt it'll be in U.P. though. We decided to meet somewhere in the middle instead. Glorietta? Hehe!


I haven't been feeling so good lately. No, I'm not sick. I'm just...glum. I guess life's just started to become a bit of a drag for me nowadays. I guess I know now the difference between happiness and joy. I can show the former, but I seem to be lacking the latter lately. Why? Truth be told, I don't know. I just know my spiritual life's slowly drying up again, past sins are catching up with me again, and I really just feel that my life is losing its worth. I believe in God's grace. I know that He's there for me. I know He's not the type Who abandons you when you so desperately need Him. But then again, why do I feel that He and I are on opposite sides of the fence? Repeating the line that "God is with me." just doesn't seem to be enough anymore. Where's the joy, Lord?


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